Making Birthdays Special

I love to get questions on the blog, or right in my inbox.  Here's one that recently came to me.

"Cindy, with seven kids and limited resources, how do you and Bill make birthdays special?"

In the age of over-the-top birthday parties, it's a good question.  We decided early on that our goal for birthdays was for our kids to be celebrated and valued.  We wanted our birthday celebrations to be yearly milestone events, touchstones for the kids to remind them of who they are and whose they are.

Here's Sara Maria.  We celebrated her 19th birthday last night.  :)  I was so happy that her Spring Break coincided with her birthday and we were able to celebrate with all the Finley Family Traditions.  Here's what we do:

Decorations
Usually decorations are a combo of streamers and balloons, or candles and flowers, but occasionally a theme arises among the tribe.  Themes like "Horses" or "Reptiles"or "Lord of the Rings."  The point is simply to think about what makes the birthday girl or boy feel special.

Crown
Aluminum foil usually is the medium of choice.  'Nuff said.

Meal
Grace has had Chicken Pot Pie for her birthday meal forever.  Once Josiah had Shrimp and Grits, that sealed it for him.  Others like to switch it up.  Sara Maria had Loaded Potato Soup.  Regardless, the birthday girl or boy picks out the meal.

Family

For most birthdays, it's just family.  With the numbers in our family, just our family is a party.  The benefits are stress-reduction, continuity of vision from year-to-year, and no hurt feelings from friends who know that this is the way our family does birthdays.  Grandparents join us, if possible.  And this year, Sara Maria's boyfriend joined us.  We have made a few exceptions through the years and invited friends, but usually have regretted it.  The one exception is our 16th Birthday Celebrations, which I'll talk about on another post.  

Gifts

Our goal with birthday presents is to give a gift that shows thoughtfulness.  Through the years the kids have painted pictures for each other, made swords and shields, re-gifted coveted items from their own stash, pooled together to purchase items, and given gift certificates for bed-making, feet-rubbing, etc.  Since gift-giving is not my primary love language, I've bombed some years with this one.  Sometimes the day before the party, I think to ask the kids, "What are you giving your sister or brother?"  Most look at me blankly, and then begins a flurry of activity trying to come up with something that their sibling will enjoy.  Sara Maria has just received a pretty box with a shell in it from Katya.     

Journal
After the meal, comes my second-favorite birthday tradition.  When each of the kids joined our family, I bought a birthday journal for them.  I recorded my thoughts, feelings, prayers, and impressions of the day they were born, or for Katya, the day she joined our family.  Although I do write in these journals occasionally, I always write in them for their birthday.

After the table is cleared from the meal, I pull out the birthday journal, jot down the details of the day - the meal, what we've done, etc.  Then one-by-one the kids answer this question:

What do you like about                             ?

After they answer and I record, they present their gift to the birthday girl or birthday guy.

Grandparents and Sara Maria's boyfriend joined us this year, and so partly for fun, and partly to give them a feel for this tradition, I went back and read aloud some highlights from her siblings have given through the years.

• Cameron - "Wia is a good sister.  She helps me clean up and get on my pajamas and see firetrucks."
• Grace - "She has a great imagination.  She spends a lot of time in nature and uses nature to build houses and make house things.  She's great at being a leader."
• Josiah - "She has great games like Robin Hood's Hide-out.  When we're sad, she always makes us laugh.  She's always good at climbing trees and never turns down a chance to have fun."
• Piper - "She's so warm at night and good to snuggle."
• Adelyn - "Sara Maria, you're beautiful, you're funny, and people listen to you when you talk."
• Katya - "I like to be with you.  I like your haircut.  I like that we both have brown eyes."   

After the gift-giving, it's time for the birthday cake.

Cake

I'm not a great cake-maker, but for birthdays, I'll make whatever type of cake the kids want.  Most of the time, it's more about the flavor than the decoration, but I did make a firetruck cake one time.  Some of the favorites have been Orange Marmalade Cake, Triple Chocolate Cheesecake, Turtle Cheesecake, and Cameron's yearly favorite, Fruit Trifle.  Sara Maria opted for a layered fruit salad for her birthday since she's foregoing sugar for right now.  Once the cake has been eaten, it's time for my very favorite tradition.

Prayer

The birthday girl or boy takes a seat where everyone can gather around.  I open in prayer, everyone present is invited to pray, and then Bill closes.  SO simple, but so meaningful.  Although Bill and I pray regularly for each of the children, and we share prayer requests and pray for each other during family devotions, this is really the only time of year that the entire family focuses their prayers on one person.  And the prayers are beautiful, simple, and come from the heart.  I love it.  

Our birthdays are so simple, yet we have so much fun.  And, I believe, we are providing yearly milestones in our kids' lives that will be touchstones for them as they move into adulthood.  

What about you?  How do you make birthdays special in your family?  And, if you have questions for me, feel free to leave them in a comment, or email me at cynthiafin@gmail.com